a detailed collection of things i like

the idea for this post came to me just now, when i brought my laptop to another part of the house to work on a different post for this blog. that one was going to be deep and philosophical and hopefully put to words this otherwise indescribable, ball-shaped, mushy amorphous gob of emotional baggage i've been carrying with me for probably a decade.

instead, i found my last pack of crunchy pepero calling to me from the pantry, begging to be eaten. and who am i not to entertain this delicious snack's final dying wish? it was the last of the litter, lonely without its cardboard companions. orphaned snack box, it was. middle child snack box, it was.

so, i ate it. and my god, even though i've been eating this snack all week thanks to a well-timed costco trip with my parents, i had to revel in its music, with its flavor being nothing short of a symphony. 

and then i looked at the laundry list of ingredients plastered on the ENTIRE backside of the box. it's a cracker stick dipped in chocolate-coated puffed rice. how, on earth, did food scientists manage to write the entire Constitution of the United States on a paper box no bigger than the future iPhone 35?

that horrifying discovery aside, i like crunchy pepero. i like the texture of the puffy stuff and how smooth the chocolate feels and the satisfying noise it makes when it grinds between my teeth while i chew. this was supposed to be poetic-- an ode to the biscuit stick-- but i think it's coming off a little gross. to you, dear reader, i do apologize. i'd offer you a stick of crunchy pepero as an olive branch, but i'm completely out of stock. i ate it all.

this got me thinking-- what else do i like? you know, i find that i've wasted countless amounts of hours on my phone or my devices, reaching to a point that i've just genuinely become numb to the very concept of tastes or preferences. i feel like i no longer make time for my individuality or having an opinion because time spent away from obligation has become dedicated to mindless consumption. i don't think what i'm going through is unique, nor do i consider this a new take on anything, but it just kind of shocked me. i've been spending a great amount of time alone recently. "alone time" was something that i took for granted because it seemed kind of like a choice i could make if i so pleased, but wasn't entirely necessary to make me feel complete or good or whole. but, now that i've gotten accustomed to a life of relative solitude, you'd think i'd have come to some conclusions about where that time should be spent or what i could be doing. 

but, no. in my loneliness, i just wake up, boot up my 3ds, then switch to my phone, then switch to my laptop, then switch back to my phone, then maybe grind a little more on my 3ds, and finally, when the day has passed, i keep my laptop screen open and playing something until i eventually fall asleep. and then i do it all over again, the next day.

today, as i was eating my final pepero stick after begrudgingly having to share a couple with my father, uncaring that it was my last pack of this stuff and in demand of his fair share, it hit me. i don't even like my routine. i don't like switching from screen to screen and numbing my mind and i don't even think i like the content i'm consuming! what is all for? what am i getting at with it? what am i even doing? who am i? where on earth am i going to find a job? 

clearly, pepero is ill-advised for the existentialist. 

anyways, to combat the anxiety that i'm slowly morphing into a interestless, personalityless, unable-to-form-my-own-thoughts iPad zombie, i've decided to take some time to think about things i actually do like. 

i like stripes and plaid and polkadots, though i find the lattermost to be kind of difficult to style sometimes. i like statement rings and barrette hair clips and long socks that peek out from over my boots. i also love boots! 

i like sweet potato flavored desserts and peppermint dark chocolate (not so much peppermint patties. the texture throws me off a little) and eating frozen yogurt with my dear friend zach.

i like romance-- all of it. the highs and the lows and the itch behind your ears when the one you like is close by. 

i like movies, i guess. i can't watch many that frequently because i find it hard to dedicate the time to watch them, which is incredibly crazy and convoluted since i'm always on my laptop anyways. somehow, i prefer TV. something about the continuity. but i do like movies more.

i like having my nails painted all sorts of colors and the way my cheeks feel flushed and warm after a nice shower.

i like bananas for their convenience. they're truly the most humble fruit. a companion that, so long as it's ripe, can never wrong me. oh, uncompromising banana, i worship you.

i like when whole foods has sweetest batch blackberries available for purchase, even if they're twice as expensive.

i like bagels from Blue Spoon Coffee Shop and a lot of Japanese food. i like ten-don and kitsune udon when it's super cold outside, and cold soba when it's hot. and i love edamame in my salads.

i like muted pinks and browns and greens and black and white clothing.

i like bangles and bracelets, a lot, and love the feeling of them all stacked up on my arms. i don't like the feeling of them slipping down my forearm, though. it's the price one must pay...

i like music, of course! but i find it really hard to listen to these days. i hope that can go away. but it's not so bad, really, because i like listening to the sounds of the outside when i'm walking too.

i like the noise of my keyboard when i'm typing really aggressively, because it makes me feel important. even if i'm just writing a blog post.

i like the way i feel when i'm in love. 

i like puppets because i think they're funny. i like the 2011 muppets movie with jason segel and amy adams. i love puppets.

i like owls and red pandas and cats and the controversial capybara. i like when animals like me and trust me, because it feels like i've been accepted into a super special club. the same thing applies to children. i feel cool.

i like having conversations with adults, or just people older than me. i like talking to them more than i like talking to people my own age, because i find it so much easier to connect with them. when you're not in the same age group or social level, it takes all the pressure off. and i'm much more myself.

i like a lot of the clothes i wear. i wish some of them would fit me differently or work for weather other than just mildly sunny or chilly, but when i put together an outfit with sincerity, i like the way they feel. 

i like linen and cotton duvets and much prefer them to fluffy blankets. i like the crinkling sound they make when i shift from side to side in my bed.

i like when i wake up from a good night's sleep and my eyes feel kind of heavy. it's like physical contentment. genuine satisfaction.

i like writing! i like writing and reading what i've written over and over and over again because i hear it being spoken in a voice that isn't quite the one i actually sound like. it has far more personality than i think i actually exude.

i like italian cookies, like the layered rainbow ones that i eat layer by layer. or the sugar ones with the cylindrical sprinkles baked into them.

i like making fresh whipped cream so long as i remember to chill the bowl in the freezer beforehand.

i like giving gifts to people and writing letters to go along with those gifts. but i also like receiving a humble gift card.

i like when my hair is long and layered right after i've freshly trimmed my bangs. it's short right now. grow, grow, i say! 

that's all i could think of, for now. the list feels superficial, i guess, but it's nice to be reminded of things in life that don't have to go away. i've lost the simple feeling of liking something. maybe this writing exercise helped me move forward a little.

there was something that i forgot to mention. it's really quite important, actually.

the thing i like most, dear reader,

is you!